The Stressed Leaders Community
The Stressed Leaders Community
The Stressed Leaders coaching community works together to grow leaders and to keep them in the game.
It was a cold blustery winter day, a typical Friday in the gray’s of Illinois. The gray’s of the Midwest, don’t worry, I’ve questioned for forty plus years why I continue to limp through Illinois winters. It seems like the sun disappears for months in the Midwest grays, dreary, desolate, uninspiring, dark until 8 AM, dark at 4:30 PM. This day was just another one of those days, or so it seemed…
Our high school had a great event going that day, Funnel Cake Friday as part of our RISE program to encourage positive student actions through three simple tenets: be here, be kind, and be accountable. A simple reward for displaying strong character. Who doesn’t love a funnel cake? On a Friday? Right before final exams? C’mon LET’S GOOOOO, That’s #TheSenecaWay. The day started out like any other Friday:
5 AM - Slay the AM workout, total body workout, body weight exercises continue to be a challenge, but I sure have grown in my ability to pound out the reps in these.
Home to shower and wake the kiddo’s up for school; both kids very excited for upcoming Christmas break in a few days, but get off to work and on to the day.
Get to school, (Life Hack) ALWAYS start your day with joy (not with emails or people complaining). On this particular occasion my Construction Manager had created an elaborate prank on our Maintenance Director and Athletic Director that needed my focused and private discussion. You have to have fun at work- right? You must! I’ve never really looked at any job I’ve had at school, as work, its just always been, “I’m going to school…,” not going to work. Office shenanigans (at a somewhat appropriate level)- who doesn’t appreciate such finer things in life? I started my day with joy for sure and when that prank was finally realized- man, that was a special moment that I still belly laugh about!
I had prepared for my weekly Administrative Cabinet meeting and wanted to go over the agenda before our planned meeting that morning. The end of the semester always brings some good reflective discussion and analysis.
Coffee was flowing, the morning was going well.
The meeting had great discussion as I am blessed with a great cabinet of leaders that I can delegate to, that I can trust and verify that their workmanship and pride in their craft is on point. I am truly too blessed to be stressed with these leaders helping to develop The Seneca Way in everything that we do.
After the meeting I had a planned reflective phone call with another Superintendent about the upcoming Stressed Leaders Retreat that I had been planning. Here is where the day began to spiral in a manner that I did NOT expect…
You see, this phone call was the EXACT reminder what I needed from my community and the EXACT purpose of why I am doing this, why I am planning this retreat and coaching community. A fellow young Superintendent was sharing some of the unfortunate situations he has had to deal with in his career recently. Like me, we have both been tested, pushed, measured by weaker men, manipulated by conniving folks with agendas. We’ve been in the trenches and at times, it has gotten ugly. As he shared his story of personal attacks, threats to him and his family, lies spread about his family, I felt for this guy. While I’ve had some frustrating people to deal with in the public sector, what he expressed to me really hurt me, for him. I reminded him, “it’s just a job, remember what is important… Remember who is waiting for you each night behind that front door. Someone else will always sit in this desk chair after us, someday. Remember your why. Don’t let them get to you, the LOUDEST BOO’S ALWAYS COME FROM THE CHEAP SEATS…” We had a great discussion and we focused on the one aspect of the job that can be the most difficult- ISOLATION.
The job of a leader is lonely, it can be incredibly isolating. You don’t get into a leadership position for attaboy’s, for gladhanding, for acknowledgement. You do the job because you have passion, charisma, and are relentless in your pursuit to make something better than it was before you arrived. It can be quite lonely, especially when you are under attack and do not have a network to interact with, to vent to, to bounce ideas and solutions off of. There aren’t many leaders in your buildings, especially the higher you get, who understand your plight, who can appreciate the anxiety, who can maneuver the tense moments with strict faith, determination, poise, and, hopefully, a smile.
There’s a certain toughness and lack of vulnerability that most leaders have. Most leaders are unable to show vulnerability, as they posit it as a weakness, a gap, a blindside that could be exploited. We do not want to appear weak. We want people to trust us, to know that we have all of the answers. “Ask Dan, he will know how to handle this.” As I listened to this man, who I greatly value, admire, and respect, I apologized that he had to deal with this tough situation. I reminded him that his family is everything; that the job is just that, a job. But I also reminded him that I would always be there for him if he needed anything, one phone call away, one meeting spot for a cup of coffee, just make the call, send the text.
The entirety of this conversation was gripping my heart, not only for appreciating the pain of my friend, but also the validation for the Stressed Leaders Community- we need to Huddle Up as Stressed Leaders. Our Circle community is one of a true leadership community. A community of leaders who are CURRENTLY in it, in the mess. Not theory, not professional development exercises that work in a vacuum, but real leaders with real problems, looking for real solutions, one day at a time, one text at a time, one zoom call at a time. We are in a relationship business and it is paramount that we NOT isolate ourselves, but lean in and lean on our community for support. We deal with tough situations and have difficult conversations far too often. We need each other! Our Circle community has not only leadership resources with practical solutions to tough situations, but offers weekly zoom opportunities for leadership coaching, sharing of information, bouncing ideas off of each other. Chances are, even though the variables differ, we are going through the same problems and they are the things that keep us up at night. You need to lean into a community like Stressed Leaders for support.
Later on as I resumed my day, completing my Board of Education weekly memo, visiting students at lunch to see the Friday Funnel Cakes, joking with our secretaries about the Dean of Students, I couldn’t get the idea of my friend receiving death threats from a community member over school leadership out of my mind. I stopped in my tracks and sent him a text, it was simple, it just said, “We got this buddy, we’re here for each other in good times and bad.” He responded back right away, “You don’t know how much I needed that talk today, thank you.” Such a simple reinforcement, a reminder why we do this, why we Huddle Up; leaders need community. We cannot do this alone and should not try to do it alone, damn our pride! Towards the end of the day, before my uphill training workout involving the dreaded stair climber and uphill treadmill, finishing with walking lunges, I still had this man’s problems on my mind. I had so many questions, so many ideas to help him with, but I also didn’t want to be overwhelming to him. Far too often in leadership positions, we become what I call, Prison of the Moment. Captivated by what sits right in front of us, tunnel vision focused on only this item, when there are other priorities that need to be addressed.
The day wound down and towards the end, pre-awful leg workout, I got another message from a different leader. The third leader in a week, calling me, telling me that he was drowning. I shook my head in frustration and texted him, “I’m here chief, make the call.” He called and we spoke for what seemed like an hour about the numerous problems he was facing. It is his first year as Building Principal and the guy is working his tail off, but running into brick walls at every turn; from staff unwilling to grow, parents questioning his discipline methods, coaches who are members of the RDA club (Rules Don’t Apply to me), and a Board member cutting his knees out, he’s scuffling. He said to me, “Maybe I need to just go back to the classroom. I’m not sure I’m cut out for this.” C’mon man! “Not cut out for this? You are a legend, you’ve been through the wars, head coach, department chair, instructional leader, now building principal, you are one of the strongest men I know,” I thought to myself. I gave him a good motivational talk about the first year in a major leadership position being the toughest, the concept of failing and failing to learn, the grays of a midwest winter, running up to Christmas break, etc. He needed some time away from the job. I told him to go home, fast from his cell phone (the emails will be there Saturday morning), lean into some time with his kids and wife and even if it’s just going to dinner, or grabbing a pizza for home, lean into the conversations and be present. Be present for them, remembering your why. Remember what is important. Forget school, forget the job, but when you need something, our community is here for you and you know I’m here for you. Stressed Leaders exist to keep our leaders together, to huddle up, and keep us all in the game.
I went through my leg destroying incline workout, blasted some Taking Back Sunday in my headphones throughout the grind, but could not get these two men out of my head. Both of these men, my friends, my colleagues, young leaders, trying to do these jobs to their fullest potential and then some, both drowning. Their problems were different, but they were the same, someone challenging them, coming at them from many angles, and feeling consumed by the pressures of it all, but handling it by themselves, in isolation. Isolating yourself is not the answer, huddle up and join the Stressed Leaders community. We need each other and have to be there to support each other to keep us all in the game thriving.
These men are both participating in our first ever Stressed Leaders Retreat in June of 2024 in the Starved Rock area of Illinois. Not only will they grow through our keynotes and activities, but the ongoing coaching community is where they will continue to evolve, to thrive, and to stay in the game! Check out our website here or email stressedleaders@gmail.com for more information about the first of its kind retreat.